I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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