sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
