My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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