hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
