the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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