you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
