This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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