just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You dont lie about slip and slides
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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