Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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