atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We left the knife in your bed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
