Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
