I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
