never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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