Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize