I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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