NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
