i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just pee around me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
