The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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