He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
