Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
