oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
