I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
