No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
