We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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