Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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