We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
