just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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