I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
