two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
