my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
