U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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