Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
