1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize