I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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