i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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