just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
