I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
