I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
