She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
