She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
