All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
