Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
