The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize