I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
