I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
