there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
