This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
