Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
