she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
