She is in my trunk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
