So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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