no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
