her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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