Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
