Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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