All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
