Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
