Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
