took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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