He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
