4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
