and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
