her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
