so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
