All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
