4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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