...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
