fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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