either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
