i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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