His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
