Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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